Skyfall – The emasculation of Bond

Skyfall movies

I will focus mainly on the story. Story is the most important factor because even if an American pie movie has perfect cinematography and an inspirational score it still remains a American pie movie. So we start out adventure with Bond chasing after a goon who stole a list. Remember the days when Bond could go into a building, kill fifty goons, and burst out in a tank? Those were the days… nowadays however he has trouble killing one goon without having an elaborate free running competition. So naturally Judi Dench makes the smart choice of not trusting an agent who has proved himself trustworthy time and time again and instead places her faith with the woman who proved herself incompetent in the first five minutes. Bond jumps into action when he hears the secret service headquarters has been bombed. But Bond’s an old dog now. He’s over the hill. He’s up for retirement. Despite the fact that he looks exactly the same as when he got his 007 promotion.

He goes through an evaluation where he is found to be apparently unfit for duty and become an alcoholic. After all Bond needs more flaws! I certainly won’t deny that Craig can pull off a dark gritty Bond. However he still lacks the thing to make him a true Bond. He has no charm. Don’t even try to deny it. Connery, Brosnan, Moore…they had a charm which always had you rooting for Bond. When his actions fell into the morally Gray you still wanted him to win because the man had a charisma that just had to be admired. I see Craig trying to sweet talk a girl but find my suspense of disbelieve breaking. I am sorry Craig. You don’t have the voice and looks to pull it off. This feeds into Bonds character and we find it makes him less sympathetic. In Casino Royale this was somewhat forgivable. In Skyfall it has no excuse. I have not seen quantum so this may be an incorrect judgment however I noticed that Bond doesn’t seem to be winning lately. Most of the time things just happened to work out or he got a helping hand rather than use skill and wits to win the day. Our new Q makes a comment joking about an exploding pen while giving Bond his only two gadgets. I don’t quite remember Sean Bean laughing when that exploding pen ruined his plan and saved London from being incinerated but hey, what’s that compared to a gun only you can shoot and a tracking device used to catch a man that wanted to be caught? Bond loved that gun so much that he forgets to pick it back up after it was dropped. And getting your own computer system hacked. Oh Q, you sure showed up those old baboons who believed that laser watches were actually useful. Speaking of the villain. First time he does when he pops on screen is feel up Bond. This lead to a line which caused my eyebrow to shoot up. You already destroyed his creditability as an agent so why not call his sexuality into question as well? While I am sure this line was just jest I know it will be used to justify many theories regarding Bond’s relationships. Maybe those women were all just appetizers for his afternoon sausage. Hell maybe he was actually getting off on that whole Casino Royale torture scene. Alright, I am getting sidetracked. After capture the villain reveals his motivation. The torture Judi with her old sins and kill her. Doesn’t seem to pick up that Judi doesn’t care very much about that. And his master plan is revealed. The evillest man who is madness incarnate, pure genius and according to the part time Bond girl “Fear itself” is going to….walk into a courtroom and shoot her. I mean sure previous villains also had moments of stupidity but at least they put effort into their plans and didn’t give up halfway. Can’t even wait five minutes to see if the best secret agent can escape a frozen pond. Well in the courtroom our Judi is getting lectured by some girl who seems to believe that the golden age of espionage is over and with technology no one can really keep things secret any more. So that makes the secret service redundant apparently. Of course it’s up to Judi to point out the obvious and say that if a terrorist planned to chuck a nuclear missile in London’s general direction then maybe he might not tweet about it. While she’s at it she says a poem for the trailers. After Silva forgot to put more than one bullet in his gun and leaves, Bond decides the smartest thing to do would be to take Judi to somewhere completely isolated. Here we get the thing no Bond fan ever asked for. His childhood back-story. Where we learn that James is Batman mixed with Jesus. However unlike the messiah, James decided his destiny was to shoot people and bang chicks. Wow, and all this time I thought he was an ordinary guy who worked hard to gain his position but in actuality he was the chosen one. Isn’t that wonderful? Well James seems to give a damn about his past as much as we do. The last parts of the film are anti-climatic with the villain being defeated because he wasn’t patient and Bond’s cheap shot. Then we come to find that once again, Bond has failed. The film brings in a new M and a new Moneypenny and we see a callback to those old bond films you spent making fun of the last two hours. Props to M not getting on to Bond about why he brought his predecessor to an area she could be killed easily without telling anyone. I find it odd to celebrate Bond’s 50 with a movie which is so mean spirited with the franchise itself.

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